This post will be short and sweet, not unlike me 😉
I’ve been noticing quite a bit lately what charges me up and what drains me – drains and gains so to speak (taken from one of my teachers) – and even how being drained in the right way can be a gain.
I recently attended a 3-day yoga therapy training that consisted of long days full of intense learning and sharing. It was also a beautiful spring weekend of sunny weather in the upper 70’s, somewhat rare for Seattle.
I went into the weekend with a big open heart and even Santosha (contentment) around the fact that I couldn’t spend all day outside in the sun, knowing that I was cultivating my own inner sunshine. Indeed, that is just what happened. I left the training on Sunday afternoon feeling inspired, recharged, and while tired in a way, it was the motivated kind of tired that is almost invigorating.
Contrasting that to how I can sometimes feel completely drained after merely a half day in the office in front of the computer…
This makes me feel lucky and grateful that I have sufficient experience and intentional awareness around these feelings by now to even notice the difference. And to know that I can feel that “inspired exhaustion” and how that is different than being drained and tired in an unmotivated, uninspired way.
I am also starting to really understand in which direction I need to turn and more importantly I’m starting to trust that turning in that “inspired exhausted” direction is the right thing to do, despite any fear or uncertainty that might accompany that turning towards.
It seems that one piece of “Walking Through It” includes learning to walk in the direction of our hearts, learning to trust our hearts in new and deeper ways. The wiser side of me understands that this is the kind of knowledge one gains only with much experience; the impatient side of me wishes I had known it long ago; and then the gentle compassionate side of me knows that I DID know this long ago in a different way – and I followed my heart back then too. My heart simply led me in different directions back then.
And ultimately that’s OK – I wouldn’t be here to talk about it otherwise. Now I’m able to hear my heart in new ways and slowly start to follow it’s calling, step by step. Walking through that mid-life crisis, or unfolding…
UPDATE 5/23: And how I guess I really wanted to conclude this post is to say that I often find myself exhausted as I walk through this mid-life crisis. If I can direct my energy and attention towards activities that leave me feeling an inspired exhausted I think I will be better off and I think that is the way to find my true path…